she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
