I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
