My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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