She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
