i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
