Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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