Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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