"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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