opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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