its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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