just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
