finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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