Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
