Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
