I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
