That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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