gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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