Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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