grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
