she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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