he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
