I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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