I'm gonna have a badass scar
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did i walk over a car last night?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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