K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
