All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
