Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
