i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
