We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
