Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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