Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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