well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
