So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
