It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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