What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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