Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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