just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
