She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
