You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
