Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
