have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
