Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
