you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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