Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
