..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
