Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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