I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
