Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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