and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
