I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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