Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
